The Colors in His Hands
by dankstiel-fanfics
Summary: Castiel saw the pain in Dean's eyes. That's how he knew he must take measures into his own hands. In those hands hold a new life, one he had not planned on. One that he had not chosen. One that might tumble his life away, along with the little grace he had left. [Season 10 AU, canon divergence, Destiel themes (full of subtext, so nothing different there), non-beta, mpreg]


Castiel gazed into Dean's eyes for one moment more before the two retreated from the quaint restaurant. Through those emerald pools were crashing waves of pain, nearly as old as the eldest Winchester, give or take four years. Despite what would be considered unsettling, Cas found comfort in those eyes, the first that struck him as pure.

This day, at that moment, the pain was overwhelming. If one could be as close to Dean, they would most certainly want to sob, hoping every tear would wash away every sad aspect of the hunter's long life.

That was the moment Castiel realized that he must save his best friend, no matter the price.

By the end of the same night, Castiel had concluded that any risk was necessary. This was decided as he cradled his sobbing ward, all because of that little scar on Dean's right forearm. The Mark of Cain was graduated to the main antagonist of Team Free Will.

Cas replayed his inner-monologues to convince him that he was doing the right thing. This wasn't the first time he'd done this. Maybe this time he'd get it right.

Castiel stood in the most remote and out-of-the-way place he could think of off the top of his head: the old abandoned warehouse outside of what used to be Bobby's home. It was the same place in which he had tried to make some amends for his betrayal only a few years ago.

Cas knew that it was unlikely, but she was his current best hope. If not, what else? Wait for Dean to die and return to his demonic ways? He wouldn't let it happen.

Once again, Castiel reassured himself that this was the best chance, even if Sam and Dean wouldn't approve. His stolen grace would burn out soon enough, and he had to as much as he possibly could to assist the cause.

"Well, if it isn't the Winchesters' favorite pet angel," the eerie voice of Rowena came from behind.

Chills ran through Cas, and he stood stone still.

Surprised at the witch's punctuality, Cas thought, ' _3 AM, right on time.'_

Rowena began to walk towards Cas and her heels echoed in the otherwise silent room. As she neared him, she made Cas feel more and more uncomfortable. Her walk was smooth and violating to any feeling of safety.

Rowena stopped a few feet in front of Castiel. As she was there, Cas had a moment to observe.

The witch's hair was all let down in a deliberately messy fashion, but fiery orange as ever. The dress she wore was made of plain black fabric, but the design was stunning. One sleeve was dropped over Rowena's right shoulder, the other nonexistent. It went mid-way down her calves, a slit on the left for leg-room.

"Let me guess: you called about that pesky mark on Dean's arm," Rowena assumed, accent strong and condescending.

"Can you fix him?" Cas asked urgently.

"I have my ways," she replied, crossing her arms and smiling.

Cas was already beginning to become frustrated. Through gritted teeth: "Yes, or no?"

One of Rowena's forearms lifted and she twisted her wrist. "Well," she paused, "It depends on what you're willing to do to get the job done."

Castiel glared hard at her, the way he would when he's looking at someone he despises.

After looking back into the angel's eyes for a few seconds, Rowena put her arms down and stopped smiling in defeat. "Fine. What do you want?"

Cas sighed. "How do we rid Dean of the Mark of Cain?"

Rowena nodded slowly, smile returning at the same speed. She sauntered to Cas' right, stroking her hand across his cheek. His head twitched and she stopped moving, her hands on Cas' shoulders. "Well, Cassie, there's a spellbook that may contain a way . . . The only thing is," she started innocently, "I'm not sure I have enough power to see it through. I'll need something," she released Cas from her grasp. "Celestial."

Castiel, relieved from Rowena's uncomfortable hold, turned around and frowned. "YOu need my grace?"

"Oh, no. Yours would never suffice. I'll need grace from something more powerful. I can't use an archangel either. Besides, you're living on borrowed grace at the moment."

Cas almost asked how she knew that before he realized there must be another creature that would be sufficient. He looked to the ground as he asked, "What else can we do?" looking up on his last word.

"Reliqua," Rowena uttered, waving her hand in front of Castiel's face. In less than a second, he was unconscious, still stood exactly where he was. He had absolutely no control over what the witch was doing, no control over the outcome, no control over whether or not he'd survive.

 **~(*-*)~**

Castiel woke up with a start. He attempted to remember what had just occurred, but his thoughts were once again interrupted, but this time by a surging pain through the entire bottom half of his vessel's torso, and even a little lower, but he was in too much pain to notice. It didn't take long to realize that Rowena was still with him.

Cas looked up the witch, grasping his stomach with one hand, supporting himself with the other. He was now on the cold ground of the warehouse. "What have you done?!" he asked frantically.

Rowena stood with both hands on her hips, grinning in her success. "I've assigned a little task for you, angel. You see, Cas, I was tell the truth. No angel has the right amount of power to give me ability to cast a spell and rid Dean of the mark. However, a nephil would do just perfect. A little angel, a little human, altogether perfect for the part," she explained to a very confused Castiel.

Cas' eyes widened and he looked from Rowena's to his stomach. ' _No. No!'_ he thought. There was no way he could hide this from Dean, or provide for a nephil on borrowed grace. Besides -

"You're probably wondering, ' _How? Why me?'_ Well, for one, why not add some more drama to the team. I only knocked you out because I'm not a complete sadist. You wouldn't have wanted to have been awake during that sex-change. See, it'll be powerful enough when it gets to two months. It will probably die when I extract the grace, but I did it just in case. Though, if it doesn't die, it will probably kill you."

By now, Castiel was regretting his actions. In fact, he was absolutely terrified. What would Sam and Dean do if they found out about this? Abandon him?

Cas groaned in pain. "What if I survive?"

Rowena smiled. "Well, then I'll just keep it. I was a terrible mother. I'm entitled to a second shot."

Castiel had hundreds of questions flowing through him, but he knew he only had a few more available. However, one hovered over the rest. If he was . . . That . . . Then, who was the other "parent"? Cas knew at least _some_ of the basics. There must be someone else. Was it Rowena?

"Is it yours?" he asked.

Rowena's hands dropped and she laughed. "Oh, god no! Buy me a drink first!" After she calmed herself down a bit, she explained more.

"I figured that you'd be more willing if it was someone you trusted. For example, Dean," she revealed.

Castiel's mind completely stopped. There was only one emotion that remained: panic. This didn't make him any more "willing". In fact, this was just worse. He was pregnant - the word sounded strange, even in his head - with his best friend's child, - that one sounded odd, too - all because he contacted a witch that the very friend had a beef with.

Castiel's insides churned again. HIs grace still missing, there was no way to ease the pain. Why did it hurt this badly?

As if reading his thoughts, Rowena said, "What you're feeling is your vessel's organs rebooting, becoming used to the new addition. I'll be back to claim the grace two months from now." She was obviously getting bored of explaining, so she took her leave. Cas was left on the floor of the warehouse, forced to wait out the pain and listen to his organs' gurgling.

 **~(*-*)~**

 _Ring, ring . . . Ring, ring . . ._

Cas felt groggy and his head hurt. What happened? Was that a phone?

 _Ring, ring . . . Ring, ring . . ._

His first thought was of Dean, but then he remembered. He recalled everything. Cas was still exactly where Rowena had left him. The constant cramp had receded to an ache. He was cold.

Castiel fished his phone of out his pocket. He hoped it wouldn't be Dean. Cas didn't think he could talk to him, much less face him, especially with the reminder that he messed up again inside him. Luckily, the caller ID appeared as "Sam Winchester". Cas pressed the pick-up button.

"Cas? Finally! I've been trying to contact you all week!" Sam exclaimed.

The honorary Winchester frowned. A week? He thought it had been a night.

"Hello, Sam. I'm sorry. What do you need?" Cas sat up off the floor. He stared down at himself, and unbuttoned his white button-up. He poked at it, and it was more tender than expected, so he grimaced. Additionally, a bump at the bottom of his abdomen had formed. If it had only been a week, then the risen skin was because of the extra organ that had been made.

' _Most women have it,'_ Cas recalled.

" - orse. Cas?" Sam asked.

Cas was snapped out of his thoughts, once again. "What?"

" . . . I said, 'I was wondering if we could meet up. After last week, we need to do something. Dean's only gonna get worse,'" he repeated.

Cas nodded, even though he knew Sam couldn't see. Maybe he should tell Sam now. He was adjusted to the insane. He would have someone to cover up for him, and even just moral support. Cas had learned that keeping secrets didn't usually end well for anyone.

"Of course, Cas. However, I already took a step. I think I made a mistake," Cas admitted up-front.

The phone went silent for a moment. "Cas, what did you do?"

It was Cas' turn to be silent. "I contacted Rowena and asked for help with Dean, but she - uh," he paused, not sure he could actually say it. "She helped," he said.

Sam was confused. "She helped? How did she help? Are you okay?"

Again, silence. "With the spell she cast, Dean may be okay."

"Spell? What spell?Are you okay? What about Dean?" Sam asked.

"It's complicated, but I assure you, Dean is fine, at the moment."

"You never answered if you're okay," Sam pointed out.

Cas sighed. "Where are we meeting up?" He decided that he could only tell Sam about his condition if they were in person.

On the other side, Dean was about to walk into the main room of the bunker, where Sam was residing. Sam hung up before Dean reached earshot.

Castiel looked to the phone in his hand. "Sam? Are you there?" Cas stood up, realizing he'd been hung up on. A few seconds later, he received a text from Sam. It was the location of a road, presumably their meeting place. Something must have come up for Sam to hand up without his question being answered. The meeting time came up shortly after: 3:15 in the afternoon.

Cas looked around. It was lighter than when he last remembered. It must be early to mid-morning. Dean would be waking up around now. That was probably why Sam left. The ache still lingered, but Cas chose to ignore it. He opened the door of the warehouse and walked out. The car he'd taken was still exactly where it was one week ago. It was time to go on a small trip to that road in Kansas, along with his thoughts.

The first topic on his mind was of how he would tell Sam of his predicament. No matter what, he was going to ask questions, just like he had/wanted to. There were some things he wondered, but he hoped Sam, wouldn't ask questions about those things.

However, there wouldn't be any questions until Sam figured it out. Now that he knew that Cas had done something, there was no going back. How was he going to tell him? There was going to be the immediate question, but how would it be handled? Would Sam freak out.

`Cas let his mind wander to nowhere while he drove. Suddenly, he experienced something he hadn't felt in a very long time: hunger. Why would he feel this now? Oh, of course. The nephil was but a week old, but it still existed. He knew he would need to eat food very soon. The feeling of his stomach rumbling was magnified by the residing pain that remained. At least it wasn't as bad as the initial agony.

A few hours later, Castiel was waiting anxiously for Sam's arrival. He tried to do anything to distract him from the inevitability that Sam's first question would be the most terrifying. Cas stared around, counting trees, staring at clouds . . .

Finally, around 3:10, Sam pulled up. Besides the short discussion about Dean's well-being, neither of them said much. Before they did anything, Sam decided to go to a diner, and Cas certainly didn't object.

The two drove in the Impala to a packed, well-lit restaurant for Sam to ear. Cas was trying to fight off his own hunger. He didn't want to have to force his confession out any earlier than he had to. In other words, Castiel was stalling.

Sam sat in a chair parallel to Cas at their small table. He studied his friend, who seemed to be deep in thought. Sam looked for any sign of anything being off.

Cas' borrowed grace was wavering and something had to be done about it before the angel's light burned out. However, they were here about Dean today.

"Cas?" Sam asked, trying to get Cas' attention. He still seemed distant, but he looked over anyways.

"Yes, Sam?" he responded.

Sam cleared his throat to speak, but before he could, a waitress came over to ask for their order. She was blonde, tall, and probably in her mid-twenties. Her name tag, over the yellow tank top that she wore with jeans, read "Alli".

"What can I get you boys?" she asked cheerily. Alli pulled out a notepad.

Sam picked up the menu in front of him and studied it for a moment. "Just a garden salad for me," he ordered.

Cas was still battling his hunger, but he finally surrendered. As Sam was ordering for himself, Cas quickly flipped through his menu, making a decision.

"And you?" Alli asked, smiling expectantly at Cas.

"Oh, he won't be - " Sam started to clarify before Cas, who he'd just noticed was holding a menu, interrupted him.

"I'll have a double bacon cheeseburger." He still seemed to be staring into nothing, deep in thought. Alli smiled once more before writing the orders down and collecting Sam and Cas' menus.

After Alli walked away, Sam looked back at Cas, not saying anything. He was surprised, to say the least.

Sam decided that the silence was uncomfortable. "So, uh, do you have any ideas about how to cure Dean?"

Cas looked up, suddenly focused. "Well, Rowena may prove to be an asset," Cas admitted. It was now or never, and he chose now.

Sam frowned and sat up straight. "Yeah, speaking of that, didn't you say that you contacted her?" What happened there?" he interrogated.

Cas reverted back to his previous expression. "I contacted Rowena, yes."

Sam sat back, waiting for elaboration. Once he realized he wasn't getting it, he persisted. "Well," he paused to get Cas' attention. "What exactly happened?"

The fear of Sam's reaction began to bubble in Cas' stomach. He was one of the only two people left that mutually trusted him. He couldn't lose Sam, now. He decided to give the youngest Winchester his full attention.

"That spell that I mentioned . . . It was cast upon me, not Dean."

That caught Sam's full attention. He had almost completely forgotten about the spell, but now he recalled. "In the call, you said that she had helped. What did she do to you?" he asked, trailing off.

Cas placed his hands, which were on the table, on his lap. The short gesture portrayed that he was still building up to talking about it. Sam sighed and shifted the subject, but only a little bit.

"So, where were you this week?"

Cas took a drink of the water that was left on the table for them right after they sat down. "I was unconscious. I woke up to your phone call." cas was trying to tell the story piece by piece, in the most convenient way possible. He had to tread carefully.

"Unconscious?! The whole week?! What happened to you?!" Sam questioned, only a little under shouting-level.

Castiel flinched. It was already getting touchy. "What Rowena did," he shook his head. "I-I'll need some help through it. I need you to promise," he attempted, "That you won't 'freak out'." Cas was sure that the statement wouldn't assure Sam, but he needed a disclaimer before he revealed anything.

Sam narrowed his eyes. "Well, it depends on what you did," he replied. Cas gave him an angsty stare, begging for sympathy. "Alright, fine."

Castiel sighed with relief, though he doubted Sam would uphold his promise. He cleared his throat, trying to calm himself to the best of his ability. He placed both elbows on the table, making had eye-contact with Sam.

"As you know, I contacted Rowena last week, and she did something to me for the cause of saving Dean . . . " to which Sam nodded. "Have you heard of the nephilim?" This time, Sam did nothing but stare, focused.

Cas looked down. "As you must know, they are angel/human hybrids." Another sip of water. "You see, Rowena may soon be able to find a spell to cure Dean, but she will not have alone enough power to complete it."

He looked up, checked to see if Sam was still listening. He was, intently. Cas was surprised that he hadn't broken down yet. His composure was barely maintained.

"Rowena, she insisted on - " He stopped for a moment as Alli dropped off their food.

Alli grinned, placing their plates in front of them. "One double bacon cheeseburger, and one garden salad."

Sam looked up at her, face still serious, and thanked her for serving. She left.

After that, Sam looked back at Cas expectantly, waiting for the big reveal.

The angel wrapped one hand around his fist and rested his head on it. This was going to be the moment that Sam would begin to piece together story. "Rowena insisted on extracting grace from an unborn nephil . . . And that I be the host." He prepared himself for anything. He was right in doing so.

All at once, Sam understood everything. The disappearance, the burger in front of Cas . . . It made sense. Suddenly, the shock wore off and all of the emotions came crashing in.

As soon as Cas saw Sam's eyes widen, he realized that there was no preparing. He looked to his burger and picked it up, but Sam wasn't having it.

As it all of a sudden, Sam loudly asked, "Wait, so you're - "

Cas, who had almost take a bite of his burger, stopped. He slowly put it down and reverted to the position he had just been in a few moments ago.

This time, Sam whispered. "So . . . You're pregnant?" he wanted to clarify.

Castile inhaled and picked his burger back up and took a bite. He had forgotten how glorious the first bite always was. Sam was going to ask questions, and food was a good way to prepare for the interrogated.

Sam thought Cas was acting way too calm about this. If he'd only been awake for a few hours, there way no way Cas was already accepting of the idea. Sam, trying his best to mirror Cas, put his hands on his lap and leaned forward. Staying calm and composed would be helpful for both of them.

After a few moments. Sam placed his forearms on the edge of the table. "So, what, you're okay with this?!" Sam exclaimed at a regular volume.

Cas just continued progressing with his double bacon cheeseburger. In truth, he hadn't yet directly considered how he was handling this emotionally. After giving it thought, Cas put down the remaining half of his burger, took a sip of water, and looked back up to Sam.

"That doesn't matter, as long as it helps to remove the Mark of Cain."

Sam was dumbfounded. Did Cas really care so little about his well-being that this didn't bother him? Before he could speak again, Cas took the silence.

"I'm sure you have some questions?"

Sam nodded and swallowed some of his water, leaving his salad untouched. He asked the first thing that came to mind. "Why did you let Rowena do this?"

Castiel had only started eating food again ten minutes ago, but he'd already developed a habit of using it to avoid directly revealing anything.

When Sam noticed how Cas was doing anything to avoid eye-contact, his realization filled the aversion. "Wait, you _did_ agree to it, right?" Sam didn't want to think that Cas was forced into this predicament, but this _was_ Rowena.

"Oh my god. Rowena just zapped that thing into you, and you aren't doing anything about it? Can't you just get rid of it and find something else to help with the spell?"

By now, Cas was finished with his burger. "Sam, there is an opportunity right here. Besides, the nephil will be at minimum capacity but the second month. Rowena said that the process would probably kill it."

Sam leaned back and crossed his arms. "Cas, are you sure you can do it? Your grace is burning out, and fast. Nephilim are powerful. Coupled with all of that, you'll probably have to deal with all of the textbook symptoms, along with keeping it from Dean. Can you handle all of that?"

Sam was right. That's a lot of pressure, but wouldn't it be worth-it to see the joy in Dean's eyes again? Cas remained in quiet thought, head supported by his fists, supported by his elbows, which were parked in front of his empty plate. What if it survives?

"Whose is it?" Sam asked. He was now eating away at his garden salad.

That caught Cas off-guard. Blood rushed to his ears. He didn't want to answer that. Sam would react to that than the initial news. He'd been extremely okay with it so far, and Cas didn't want to ruin it.

On the other side of the table, Sam was still freaking out. His best friend, an angel in a _male_ vessel, was pregnant. He had hundreds of questions. However, Cas was in a difficult place, even if he wouldn't admit it. Showing his frantic emotion would only make the conversation more uncomfortable. He had tread carefully.

"I mean, I imagine it would require it would require you and someone else. Is it Rowena?"

Cas slowly shook his head, looking into the distance. "No, it isn't. She didn't think I would cooperate if she had done that," he started. "Instead, Rowena decided to use someone else I know."

Sam picked up his water to drink.

"Dean," Cas said, looking up to where Sam's eyes were.

Sam choked on his glass of water.

Oh, crap. If Dean found out about this, the entire world was going down. Everything just got incredibly complicated. Dean wouldn't be overjoyed about his brother and best friend using his kid for the purpose of saving him. He couldn't find out about this.

"Oh," was all Sam said. Cas was relieved about that.

Unfortunately, now that Cas' stomach had settled, the ache in his abdomen was once again noticeable. Castiel grimaced, and Sam saw it.

"Cas? What's wrong?" he asked.

"Oh, it's nothing. It just still hurts from when she - " Cas stopped there. Sam nodded, understanding enough.

Sam was slightly proud of himself. He was usually awful at maintaining his composure. This was a huge development, if it could be called that. However, Sam couldn't tell how Cas was handling this. A little victory of self-control didn't change the fact that Cas's body was no longer only his. He would essentially experience humanity as nothing but a compilation of symptoms.

Cas seemed to be staring off into the distance. What could he be thing of. Knowing that angel, he was probably thinking about Dean. Sam thought that the two of them had something more than friendship. Beyond the brotherly teasing, Sam honestly wished that they both could see it. If only Dean not seeing through the barrier of Cas' vessel being male could stop being an issue.

Would Dean be angry? Oh, of course. Furious. Why did Cas even start to question it? How would Dean ever forgive him? "Sorry" wouldn't even begin to fix anything. Well, Sam handled it surprisingly well. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad.

Sam coughed, cleaning up the messy silence. "So, do you have any other thoughts about who else could help you with . . . You know. You should learn about what's happening to you."

Cas shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "As you can tell, I'll have to eat. I don't know about sleeping. As for whether or not I'll survive two months, there might only be one other person who could tell us anything." Cas felt good about using the word "us". He felt less alone.

"No. That's not a good idea," Sam said, knowing what Cas was implying instantly.

"He might be the only one who may have any knowledge of this condition. This situation could be complicated, and I believe that Metatron is our best bet.

 **~(*-*)~**

 **Hey, I'm Max, and this is my first story on this account. My friend, Jake, and I are admins, I guess(?) and it'd be awesome if you check out his story. He was talking to me about it a lot at the end of the school year, and the concept is really fucking awesome, in my opinion. Maybe go follow/favorite/review his? Anyway, I'm sorry if this one isn't that great. I was on vacation, I had a notebook, and this was the result. Heck, I'm sorry for just shouting everyone out 'n stuff, but maybe you could check out my other accounts, Nanospirt on here** _ **and**_ **Ao3? They mostly just have the beginnings of good ideas. Well, that's all, kind guys, gals, and nonbinary pals! I hope you enjoyed, and review if you like. Thanks!**


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